attitude of gratitude

last night (or should i say, earlier this morning), i posted this facebook status update:

in my 31 years of existence, I'm not sure if I have been able to openly thank them enough for all their trust and belief in my capabilities, both then, and for some even until now. Admittedly, there may be times when I feel invincible, that I can face anything and come out triumphant, but there are also times when fear and self-doubt settles in my mind.

sometimes, I wonder, how come I can be strong and powerful and proud like the king of the jungle, but there are days when i feel like I'm a helpless lion cub.

Oftentimes I wonder, where should i place myself. For some, they feel they've found what they have been looking for all their lives, a career where they feel they belong. I know how that feels, because i myself have been there. Initially I've dabbled with HR, primarily because of my college degree, but at the end of the day, I felt that there's something more in store for me so i shifted to Marketing.  

With Marketing/Brand Management, I've thoroughly enjoyed the constant travels, being creative, getting to deal with different (and at times, difficult) people, but still at the end of the day, I enjoyed getting around, specially when I was handling brands that were close to my heart (2 brands actually haha). It felt really good working for those brands that i love the most, it just so happens that, similar to 'real life', there will always be conflicts which eventually led to me leaving those brands behind. 

ang galing lang din kasi, that despite all these concerns i've had in the past, there are people who still stood and are standing behind me and my decisions even if they don't understand the said decisions i've made. kahit ako minsan hindi ko alam bakit ko ginawa yung ibang decisions ko, pero i believe that all these things happening to me are part of a bigger picture of what is to come. 

admittedly, one of the things that have always hindered me from doing what I can do is the fear of failure. I know, this should not be the case by this time. but at times, the fear of failure still bothers me. bakit?  maybe because i have been brainwashed by society, most specially my immediate family, that failure means i am not good/magaling/matalino, etc. for me, it has been my comfort zone, to be 'matalino' or 'magaling' just to make sure that i won't be labeled as a failure. 

pero, backtracking my previous successes in life, great things happen when i didn't let this fear of failure get in my way.

once of the life coaches I had placed it simply as this:

I've been the person who tends to overthink. I admit it naman. there have been numerous times when i overdid myself in the thinking aspect, to the point that nothing eventually happened. 

I am in the space of immense gratitude to all the people who believes in me even when i have those moments when i don't think I can do great things. sabi nga nila, minsan ang pinaka mahirap na convincing eh nangyayari pag si BRAIN at si HEART eh nag tatalo. 

sino ba naman ako to let those people who back me up and support me 100% see me fail when all they do and believe is that i am a success? 

time to take that plunge...