Sunday, May 31, 2009

happy thoughts

after going through a couple races, a lot of people been noticing that i've been improving daw. they say i'm fast na daw. for me naman, parang wala namang change ah :) a lot of people have been asking, anong secret ko. for me, wala namang secret weapon eh. actually, hindi kasi sha "secret" kasi i always tell people about it.

what fuels me during races?

other than ung usual na well hydrated, well practiced, and knowing yourself, my main not-so-secret-weapon is this :

THINK

HAPPY THOUGHTS.


the other things i've mentioned above, for sure maraming blogs about those, na kung saan saang nagsasabi na mag train ng mabuti, proper hydration etc, pero parang i don't see often kung anong mental strategies ang ginagawa nila. (madamot ba sila at ayaw mag share? haha) yung approach ko naman is just about using common sense eh, what made me remember to think about happy thoughts is the movie legally blonde (yup ung kay reese whitherspoon) na sinabi nya something about shopping makes her happy, etc, basta parang for her shopping (pero alam ko dapat exercise ito eh) makes her happy, and that by exercising, it triggers the release of endorphins, and endorphins make people happy or something to that effect). basta! by thinking of happy thoughts, it takes your mind off of the hassleness you'd encounter during races, lalo na if long distances at medyo nabobore ka na sa haba,tapos wala ka pang pacemate diba, ang saya!

what are happy thoughts, you may ask. for me happy thoughts are thoughts that make you forget negative stuff, or those that make you feel good. in a friend's term GOOD VIBES.

like nung sa baguio, someone mentioned to us (well, actually implied lang via his gestures and nonverbals) na killer ung uphills dun, may point lang na naisip ko, aba'y loko to ah, kaya ka pala hindi nag 21k eh, tapos di nyo man kami ni warn? hahaha eto ung elevation galing sa garmin eklat ni jinoe:

ang ganda diba, V na V ang dating! :0)

naisip ko na lang, mas malakas ako ngayon, no point in wallowing in "negativism" kasi andun na ako eh, napasubo na, panindigan ko na lang diba? :) kaya naman yan, mas malamig sa baguio, and the cool weather would compensate ung degree of difficulty VS heat. for me, ung heat ang mas mahirap na kalaban, and in this case, hindi sha gaanong factor kaya keri lang.

while we were doing na the hellish uphills (well actually di sha hellish, mataas lang talaga at nakatatamad takbuhin ang 3k-long na uphill all the way), wala akong iniisip na iba kundi ang image na ito:


happy thoughts na mga nag aantay sa amin na makarating sa finish line.

people like this make me want to finish the race despite the difficulties, be it internal, external or emotional man, physical, kasi i know, at the end of the day/race, meron mga taong nag aantay sa aking muling pagbalik.

before the baguio trip, i had a misunderstanding with a friend which somewhat dampened my GV (good vibes). good thing we were able to settle things and there, nabalik ung totally good vibes. na solve ung conflict before race day, kaya ayot ang result ng takbo.

during the baguio trip, sobrang daming happy thoughts na naipon sa aking thought bank, kaya din siguro di ako gaano napagod or nahirapan sa route na maraming nagsasabing mahirap. tulad ng sinabi ni bongz: mind over matter. pero magandang i compliment ang mind over matter ng THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, at GOOD VIBES. kasi pag mind over matter lang, your mind might mind, and baka utakan ka lang hahaha :)

pero if may resbak ng HAPPY THOUGHTS at GOOD VIBES, 2 vs 1, panalo si 2 hahaha :)



so there. anong masasabi mo dun?


Thursday, May 28, 2009

post-baguio thoughts


the past few weeks prior to baguio have been a whirlwind of events which revolves around running, work, family and the balance i need to give to ALL these. so far, it seems like the most i've been giving priority/ attention to is my running. improvement in my running time has been greatly noticed by my runner friends , (even to the point calling me "hoff"). for me okay to, but then again, i realize that there are other facets of my life, facets that i tend to overlook at times, primarily because i've been focusing on my running.

at one time, on the way to makati, i was talking to a friend about this topic. I told her na parang i'm not being able to maximize my potentials anymore. knowing myself, i know that if i focus on it, i can do it. i can achieve my goals. no matter what other people might say to me, it will not deter me from doing what i set my mind into doing.


this made me think of what i wanna do in life. do i want to be in an office? do i wanna go out and explore the world? do i want to work in a sports setting where i can do both marketing AND at the same time immerse myself into sports further?


i do believe i need to re assess myself soon, actually SOONER. where do i want to go? who do i want to accompany me in my journey?

like what a friend replied to one of my blog entries, i need to enjoy this race called life.
yes, life is a race, actually, a series of races.

in this fast-paced mary, we need to ask ourselves on what is MY gameplan for this. what approach are you going to use, positive split, negative split, chill running, steady running or "WOW ___________" moments.


ang tanong ko now is, anong PACE mo? (how steady can you handle all the obstacles that we will face along the way? are you going to sit back and whine? or will you think of cheating the race?)



you tell me. :D

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

bente uno

posted from a friend's post.

fun truths by Bob Ong.
(malamang alam nyo na ito, gusto ko lang ilagay ulit dito).

21 Utos ni Bob-Ong

1. “Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, ‘wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka niya.”

2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba..”

3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”

4. “Huwag na huwag kang hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”

5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sa ‘yo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin.”

6. “Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo… Dapat lumandi ka rin.”

7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sa ‘yo, hayaan mo. malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na rin sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”

8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”

9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo, wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na hindi mo mahal pero mahal ka… Kaya quits lang.”

10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”

11. “Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sa ‘yo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”

12. “Huwag magmadali sa babae o lalaki. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog sya. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ring pandesal, maniwala ka.”

13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang naka-schedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”

14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw ung bida sa script na pinili niya.”

15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo.”

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.”

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan; at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan.”

18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, huwag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sa ‘yo, kundi IKAW mismo!”

19. “Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa ‘yo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. ‘Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo.”

20. “Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo.”

21. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal… nakakatakot mahulog… at kapag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka. Nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures.”

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

can you still understand me?

the past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions.

extremely happy
extremely sad
confused
lost
controlled
at a loss
focused
dedicated
motivated
inspired
exceeds expectations
forward-looking
aiming to go beyond what can be seen
thinking of what should and could have been
entertained thoughts of shutting down
of moving on, growing up, getting stronger.

strength derived from a group,

strength in numbers, sometimes

strength derived from within.

there were moments when everything would look alright,
but deep inside there is something that can make me feel fright.

sometimes i draw strength just by thinking of you. sometimes its you that make me feel blue.

underneath the smile and happiness,

they sometimes cannot see

that there is another side of me.

first time mo? (reposted)

this entry was originally posted in my multiply account last April 5, 2009.

just wanted to share. (para matrigger ako sa next entry ko).

"this entry was written yesterday, pero nag loko ung connection ko kagabi kaya hindi ko sha na post. pag pasenyahan nyo na lang ako at tinatamad na din akong mag edit. hehehehe.

"today started on a weird note. well actually it started last night when my internet connection was going boinkers on me. initially it was connected but then after a few minutes, i was not able to connect at all, even if all the 3 lights of the modem were lighted. i guess i took that as a clue for me to sleep earlier than usual (because i was not going to run early the next day, and that, it was too early to sleep kasi nga wala namang gimmick the morning after.) buti na lang stress at work were so dami, and i was able to sleep soundly. (sobrang soundly na i wasn't able to turn off the modem, the lights and the radio! patay!). so there.

tapos for some weird reason, i was awake na by saktong 6am or even earlier ata. it was so weird for me to wake up that early, kasi i knew wala naman akong lakad sa umaga, yung pag hatid ko kay kookay (youngest sister) ko was mga 10am pa, AND yung supposedly takbo with lauren eh sa hapon pa daw.

sobran weird talaga to the point i texted my fellow noisy boys that ang addict ko nga, kasi ang super aga kong gumising. (and those who were awake at that time replied agad na oo nga addict ako hahaha -doc T, red, at chelly).

tas while in sabogness state, biglang nag text itong si hoffness, saying sorry daw na di na daw sha takbo sa hapon kasi nga sa umaga na sha takbo kasi daw hinatak sha ng nanay nya at tita. parang ako naman, hmmm. teka, diba gising na ako? why not have an early morning run instead of a hapon run? heehee. ako naman, boy bibo, sige lang, fight! hahaha :) (wala nang kain kain alis na agad!)

tapos, naisipan ko rin, since si hoffness naman nagsabi na ibreak in ko na daw si wave inspire, so sige, why not diba? fight lang. masubukan ng light running lang bago isabak bukas sa moa LSD ni pojie.

so yun takbo takbo around up, etc. tapos naman ang lola lau, tigas ulo, sinabihan ng doc wag gaano tatakbo, ayun, takbo pa rin! kaya dahil sa pagod na daw sha (at mabilis DAW ako), sabi nya walk na lang daw kami last round.tas since nangako ata ako sa kanya ng taho (kasi di daw sha pwede mag taho tomorrow) sabi ko last round, libre ko sha taho.edi yun, nakakahiya naman kay hoffness diba if small taho lang,so we got 2 big taho tas ung lakad lakad, kwento kwento.

then all of a sudden.....


small

raindrops keep falling on our heads.



apir! slowly okay lang kasi nga ambon lang, tapos nung malapit lapit na kami sa kung saan man naka park sila (at kung saan nag aantay ang kasama ni hoffness, eh unti unting nararamdaman ko na tila lumalaki na ata ang patak ng ulan ah. sakto naman din, na si lau eh patungo na sa kanyang mga kasama, tas ako naman eh lumiko na sa mala-kagubatang parte ng UP, ayus! ang lakas na ng ulan! as in! panalo talaga. kasi wala na akong choice kundi tumuloy ng pagtakbo kasi nga wala na ring masisilungan AT wala rin pwedeng tambayan na may bubong. takbo lang. haha.

ayos naman palang tumatakbo sa ulan. masarap. refreshing. isang pagkakataong bago. ibang feeling din kasi. ang kulit lang with this is that, while we were walking/talking, na bring up din ung topic ng pagtakbo sa ulan. ayon, sakto, umuulan, tumatakbo. panalo. apir!

sa pag-uwi ko, naisip ko, ang kulit ng ganon, tumatakbo sa ulan, at lahat ng tao eh nagtatago sa mga waiting shed, kasi takot mabasa. ako naman, basa na ng pawis, bagong ligo ang pakiramdam kasi para akong nag sshower sa harap ng mga tao.

sinabi ko nga din kay lau, "ninang na ang tawag ko sayo ah" kasi ikaw ang nagbinyag kay wave inspire, pati sha din ang kasama/ witness sa pagbinyag sa akin sa pag takbo sa ulan. hahaha.'

dami ding firsts, first takbo with lauren, first takbo using wave inspire, first takbo sa ulan.

hanggang sa uulitin! :)

apir!"

since this post, madami nang first time na nangyari.

i've always said to others (well, sa mga runners) na ang first time nila would always be memorable. until now, this holds true pa rin naman.

a new entry on another first time (in 10 years) will be coming..... SOON!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

leap of faith (reposted)


original blog was made after the my first 21K at botak paa-tibayan.

http://timmysebastian.multiply.com/journal/item/85/leap_of_faith

while most of the people were ranting about the hassles of the race, i went deeper and reflected not on how hassle it was for all, but more on the thoughts behind the event itself, and how i made this "leap of faith"

happy reading!


this morning, i finished my first ever half-marathon at the botak paa-tibayan held at the fort. for a newbie, i never thought of having my half mary as early as may, as i just started "serious" running at the start if the year. it was not yet in my plans to run a half mary this early, but maybe the addict in me was so persistent that i eventually gave in. at first i was having second, third thoughts on whether or not i can do it. I don't want to do something where im not sure if i can finish it ba, or if i could pull something off which i haven't even tried imagining doing before.

in short, this transition to tackle 21K was a major leap of faith on my part (both physical and psychological). it was a leap of faith brought about and inspired by those who believed in me, that i can do it, that i am strong enough to finish strong and yet injury-free. this applies not only physically, but also psychological, and emotional.

the whirlwind of events leading to this day (may 10, 2009) had been ibang klase, (just like the weather days prior to race day). daming ups, downs, sideways, etc,na sobrang labo-labo everything. one moment masaya, the other, malungkot, tas biglang bawi ulit sa saya, tas salpak na naman sa lupa, tas langit na naman :)

bottom line is, this leap of faith, from 10k to 16K to 21K was not only a jump in distances, but also in lessons along the way :) as a friend mentioned to me one time, one thing nice with running is that you learn new things along the way, or you realize things that you've repressed before, basta. running opens you up to a lot realizations about self, life and everything else in between.

this first 21K experience would definitely be one of the most memorable first times i'll ever have in my life. the distance pa lang eh, i never imagined at the start of the year that i can finish that (and sabi pa ng mga tao ang bilis ko daw! huwaw! ayot!) tapos, the atmosphere pa kanina during the race was kakaiba! given the previous days were like super ulan, this
morning, it was SUPER DOOPER INIT! even the veteran runners were complaining about the heat, and the lack of water sa water stations, be it cups, or literal water, or even the missing marshals (i won't even wanna talk about it kasi super kawawa na sila sa pagrereklamo ng mga runners kanina).

im just thankful for those who believed in me. and saw what i was capable of doing (when i was having some doubts about myself,they continued to believe in me :) APIR! AYOT!


someone told me that i should always inspire myself :) i do naman eh, i just need someone to push me some more :)

thanks to doc Eric who paced me during the whole race. thanks doc E! (pacer na, photographer pa!) i owe you one doc E! (doc Eric, thanks
for the picture again---------->)


for those who were waiting for me at the finish line: thank you for your support.

for those who said they'd be there but were not
able to go : i understand. thank you for supporting me. your presence might have made things feel a whole much better, but by just the thought of you believing in me made me stronger, and made me want to finish the task at hand the fastest possible time, without injury.

for those friends who almost had an accident while trekking in curly mountain, you all know i love you :) and wouldn't want anything bad happening to you (loko ka chelly! hahaha)

to all those who endured the heat and lack of water kanina during the race: we survived! hindi lang nga lahat may medal for finishing, but the fact that we were able to finish the race and did not quit in the middle of it all (when it seemed like wala nang sense to push through, we still did), APIR!

to doc roy & pojie who did finish the 42K despite the noontime heat: mga hoff nga talaga kayo! APIR! :) (salamat ulit doc roy hahaha!)

sa lahat ng naniwala, nag tiwala at tumangkilik, SALAMAT!

sabi nga ni fr. ferriols, lundagin mo beybi!

APIR!

fear factor

original blog was posted from my multiply blog, initially set for my contacts only.

http://timmysebastian.multiply.com/journal/item/84/fear_factor


whenever we get intimate with others, or kahit hindi naman intimate, we often get to a point when we ask others what their worst fear is/are. when asked this question, i usually don't have a ready answer,primarily because i am not sure what i am scared/ afraid of (kung meron man).
while taking a bath this evening, a thought dawned on me that i think i'm afraid of being "successful". (don't look at me like im someone who's bragging, i'm not. let me explain myself before you cast your stones at me.)

why did this conclusion come to mind?

while taking a bath after my evening run (see, running clears cobwebs of one's mind, and makes you realize things hahaha), i realized that whenever i am becoming successful, something negative happens. actual examples are the following: when i was in grade school, i was a consistent honor student, sporty (was playing soccer then,hehehe might have been varsity if i continued hahaha), but all of a sudden, my Dad suffered a stroke. it took a while before i was able to "recover" from this traumatic experience but i realized that there is a purpose why it happened (pero parang ibang blog entry ata un dapat). towards end of grade school, medyo peaking na ulit, my grades were high again (na tipong na-hassle lang ako sa Reading, kinulang ako ng 1 point to graduate with honors nung GS). my academic success continued until high school (well, early part of HS) as i was always one of the assigned group leaders whenever there were groupings, my grades were always high (pero i still managed to handle extra-curricular activities din naman,) naging presidente din naman ako ng org nung HS, the teachers appoint me as the class beadle,(kaya din siguro ako naging bibo kid hahahaha), tapos at the peak of this 'success', one summer, we found out that one of my closest friend in HS died (the cause of his death remained unclear even up to know), so un. tas in college naman, while on my senior year dapat with babble,i tore my ACL & MCL during a performance while preventing a cheer leader to hit her head/spine from the edge of the stage.
last year naman,when i was able to finally get into marketing and was getting a bit 'successful' my gf and i broke up.

parang in the middle of these "successes" there were always something that was taken away from me, something that i treasure and hold dear to my heart. it only sank in (tama ba ung grammar?) kanina na, 'bakit ganun, whenever im being successful, may nawawala sa akin?' napaisip ako why ganon?

while i was playing with these thoughts in my mind, i asked a close and dear friend for her opinions on these thoughts. i was thinking, was that hindering me from attaining my maximum potential? na all these times i have been holding down myself for what others have been saying that i have potential daw, etc pero di ko namamaximze?

was the thought na if i do start becoming successful, something would be taken away from me again? here are some snippets of what my friend told me :)

FRIEND: do you think God wills it that way?
timmy: i know that he takes away things for a reason, pero natatakot lang ako
FRIEND: He takes away when it's time for things to be taken..i believe that..but i don't think He makes that "timing" to take things away when one is doing good in another..
timmy: why does it happen like that then
FRIEND: it could be that we only see these bad things coz these are the "big" ones that happened..parang..na-highlight lang kasi major siya
parang perception natin na "He takes things away" kasi eto yung mga na-lose natin
when in fact these things simply happened because it was time for these to happen, like what you said, for a reason
timmy: eh ang naisip ko naman eh bakit
FRIEND: naisip ko kasi, ang mga bagay nangyayari kasi may reason, like what you said, pero yung timing niya, tayo lang ang nagiisip na sadyang tiniming when we feel successful
bakit Niya ginagawa yun? kasi He wants to point out something..
timmy: like?
FRIEND: the value of life, of health, of love.. and our capacity to live, be healthy, love.

sobrang haba na if dadagdag ko lahat dito, pero ang bottom line is, no matter what, i should have control over these things which i can control. with those things i can't, other than rationalize on why those happened, i should instead channel those thoughts to something more productive.

Ang major conflict ko lang is that, IF the cycle continues, ano un? hassle diba? :( the potential in me that a lot of people are seeing, i am not able to draw out because im afraid that something which i consider important will be taken away from me.

pero then again, i realize that life is all about taking CALCULATED RISKS, and how i would react to the outcome of my actions.

so now, no more mediocrity, all out na ulit, one time bigtime everytime, bahala-na-si-batman attitude.


fight lang. tatabi ko na muna yang takot na yan, mas magiging malaking regret ito sa akin if i wouldn't try, kasi if i do try, i can see what else i can to achieve my goal (if di ko nakuha), than not trying at all,diba?


no more holding back. fear is not an option na. if may mawala na naman, tanggap lang.APIR!